I broke up.

Hello...

".... and I finally broke up." It's unbelievable that I'm still alive. Atleast breathing. He walked away without answering any of my questions. Within a second, like everything changed. I wonder is it really over?? I guess it is.

Why is it so that when a relationship ends, the memories don't?? Why does that dieing relation kills the person in you? I'm almost choked to death since that moment when he gave up. I almost forgot to breath the other day. I'm just not able to make out where did that care, urgency, desperateness, love, that togetherness go?? 

I am going to love him somewhere in my heart till the end... I might not love anybody else the way I loved him... I'm going to miss that feeling of holding his hands and feeling his warmth when we hugged. You know, when we used to hug I could clearly listen to his heartbeats. It was as if they were whispering my name. I'm going to miss it. Really!! Scent of his body which I used to smell from nowhere in the crowd even when we were away.. the way he used to look at me... I'm going to miss his voice, his talks. I'm more than anything going to miss the girl in me who existed once with him. I was so deeply into him that I could find his face in the face of  every actor on television who portrayed love. Funny. Isn't it? or Love?

He would not come across this blog ever. Because he did not support my blogging or any other hobbies. In a way I'm glad he did not. He doesn't need to know how I feel anymore.... I'm not able to express completely any of my feelings. It's just that something in me died... That space in my chest, where a heart resides pains continuously... I look in the mirror and my own reflection reminds me of him, and of the times we shared... Their are few of my close friends whom I'm yet to tell about this... Talking to them will remind me of his complete existence in my world. The city, the food, the roads.., he will bug me everywhere. Nobody would care for me like he did. I would not call anybody by those names , I used to call him. Eh... I just wish he gives up smoking soon.. 

That is it I think! He left... He walked away... I wish him happiness in his life... I know he would wish the same for me. I love you Stupid....

A chapter so beautiful

A song so melodious

A breeze so gentle

A dew drop so pure

A smile so mesmerizing

A touch so overwhelming

A life so dazzling

And a story of two hearts

Came to an end.

One was broken, the other was lost.

- by Esabella to the one who was.... Everything!

Try till the last breath

Yes, they say I'm wrong

yes, they say, I'm going to fall apart

But, then why does it seems so right??

Like my life was never so bright.

They say, you are a mistake

But I'm ready to take

They say, you're going to hurt

I know you are not that fake.

Possibly I might at the end, die

But still I want to try

They say, you might disappear some day

I know I'm going to cry

You are like a beautiful poem of mine

Like a dazzling diamond in the glass of Wine

You are the favorite scratch on this heart

I don't care if you tear it apart

I know I'm being stubborn

But your presence is Heaven

I know I'm so in Love

And you fit so into me like a suede glove

Just because you are going to turn me down

I am not going to frown

I am going to take chance and going to give you many

Because this is the way I've known to Love.

And I'm going to try till the end with my every single penny.

So I'm going to try hard today

And try harder everyday

And even when I don't have anything to say

I'll hope that dark sky will someday turn grey.

So, for the prettiest color of sky

For the every flight I fly

For every tear now dry

My hopes will never die

And if it doesn't work, I'll never regret

Because I'll know you were hard to forget

But when I come to this World again

Then you will be the one, I'll abstain!!

Unforgettable

Heyy...

I know... I've disappointed the people who would have just started looking forward to my posts by almost disappearing without any notice. Whatever the situation it might be, a writer does not have the right to let its reader down. But being new at this, I admit I loose control over myself.

I am not going through some very good times right now and any ways this blog is not about my mellow dramatic story. This post is for the reason why I considered writing again. In past one month I quit coming to blogger, I did not even open my BC account. When opened it just now there were around 178 notifications. Holly crow!! The only reason for giving these things up was, they were simply irresistible not to read or answer back. But I was so tiered of things around me that though my mind was always ready to answer back, but my sadness held me back.

Until now, when the day is no different than past few, while checking the tweets and reading a blog about completion of 1st blog-anniversary, it reminded me of the title of my blog- "IMMORTAL WORD OF ME" This was the moment I felt angry on myself for refraining myself from writing. Because this was the place I promised to people and above all, to myself that whatever may come, I'll always be alive here, through my thoughts, poems, incidences, sketches. I realized that if there was just one place in the world where I can find myself back was This! A place where I can just be... Me. I surely cannot loose my identity. So, I finally decided to open my account and shoot my thoughts after a long long time. 

And when I'm back, I cannot go without thanking some of the very important blogging friends of mine for always being there, encouraging me and remembering me.

Rumpunchdrunk- for being one of first few followers and a constant source of inspiration to write, who makes me think upon the topics which I doubt that did they even exist before??
http://rumpunchdrunk.blogspot.in/

Dan Bonser- for always writing about the love between him and Lisa, and for always giving hope that true love is meant to be together against all odds. Bless you both.
http://abrainlessnod.blogspot.in/

Bill Williams- for always writing beautiful conclusions out of his spiritual reading and letting me know how important it is to believe in yourself and God. And ofcourse at the same time being unbelievably witty.
http://lvharvest.blogspot.in/
Robert Morschel- for being in touch through twitter, for letting me read his book when I couldn't afford it. It was really awesome and for being really witty through his blogs.
Mulledvine-fiction,thoughts,stories,reflections-of-grace

Opinionated Man- who writes tremendously beautiful lines, even when trying to offend his readers.Really a great job OM.
http://aopinionatedman.com

Patricia- for writing inspiring posts about life and featuring the beautiful writers as well.
http://patinspire.org/

NothingProfound- for saying the length of pages in just few words through his Aphorism. Few words to explain entire book. 
http://mydailyaphorism.blogspot.in/

Thank you very much for always being there. Journey and the restart would have been impossible without you.

A lost love: to a non living thing!

Hello...

It is just a random post. If you could not connect yourself with it, then also it's fine. Just thanks for reading it, because i wanted you to. 

This evening I woke up after a short nap from the afternoon. I looked outside my balcony and I could see a beautiful color of the sky. The shade of pink blended perfectly with orange, white and blue. Believe me it was a mesmerizing view... I felt a strong urge of capturing that moment in my mobile. And there I was stuck. I missed my mobile.

For many of you loosing a mobile might be a no big deal, but for me it is and will always be. Since the day I lost it,I could actually never share how I felt about it. Neither with my mom nor with my boyfriend. Don't know what but something held me back from letting them know how hard I missed it. So, I decided to tell its story to all of you.

My HTC was the most expensive mobile anybody had in my family. Actually my dad bought it for himself, but I liked it so much that I just told him the same day, "It's really awesome. I wish I had it." Few days later, (not even completing a week) my dad gave it to me saying, "I'm not able to deal with its functions. You keep this." I knew he gave it to me purposely because I loved it. How sweet of him. Of course that's how parents are. 

Since that day I flaunted my handset among my friends, clicked 100s of pictures flaunting its clarity. I sometime even flaunted it lovingly to my dad too. Many of the picture I uploaded in my blog are also credited to it. Many times I thought that as  soon I get the job, I'll buy an iPhone. But thinking back again, I knew I wouldn't have bought any other mobile unless I really needed to change this. It satisfied all the needs, in fact more than I actually needed. Or at least I would have kept it with myself forever. It somehow became the in separable part of my life. Not only a mobile but also a friend, a secret keeper, a notepad to scribble my thoughts..a constant 24x7 companion. Anything than just a mobile. I had a folder of all my special songs in it. Trust me, it gave all together a different feeling listening those songs in its music player. After it got stolen, I even downloaded those songs again and tried to listen them but the feeling is irreplaceable. Many of you might be finding it funny or may be immature to miss just a handset for so long. But I feel it justified. 
 

the only memory I had of my phone- its earphones. (mine are black)

Is it not strange how just a non living thing gets so close to you. How you miss it like you miss any other person in your life. I can really feel it. I know I'm going to miss it for long.., not knowing if even I could ever fall in love with anything near future... At least not so soon... 

So do you have any such memory of yours?? 
Did you ever face this situation in your life??
What is that thing?? Your bracelet, lucky charm, mobile.. anything?
Do you miss it?? I miss mine. 
Whatever it is.. share your thoughts. I'll be happy to know about it. -_-

Greed: for good or bad??

Hello...

        I was in no mood to write any post today, as I was already enjoying my time on twitter and reading other blogs. But a situation again took hold of my thoughts and I decided to scribble them.

         Isn't it a human nature that when you get little, you strive for more. Then when you get to the next step, you try to reach even further.  Sometimes, pointlessly, you just want to grow big and bigger. I want to ask you that if your greed is not helpful for others, if you don't have anyone to share your success of achieving your target, then will this urge of wanting more still continue?? Or will it die??

          For example, as a new blogger you'd want to increase your traffic. This would make you feel that if not all of them then at least few of them are reading it. After a while, when the traffic graph would go fine, you'd want to have comments on them. When you'd get comments, you'd want more of them.

           Just now I saw a post with +1729 on g+ and it tempted me again, thinking can I have these many +1s??  But, then what is the use of this? If nobody is reading them, and just blindly forwarding it? What if you don't have anyone to share the happiness of receiving Best Blogger Award??

            Another example I'd want to give would be of a millionaire. Even if the person is already the richest one in the world, still he has the greed to earn more and more money! I ask why?? If that is not serving anybody, if that money is not useful for the needy ones then what is the use?? If there is still poverty spread around you, and you money isn't able to educe it even a bit, then what is the use of that money you earned?

What basically I want to ask is:

Do you think it's good to be greedy? Where will this urge of having something more after every time you have climbed the previous step will lead?

Do you think that reckless desire, that pointless temptation of something with nobody around you to share it is actually satisfying??

And where does this greed ends?? Or does it actually has any end??
Think about it and share your views with me. I'd love to hear from you.

Trap

A BiGG Hello...


        Finally ended with my final exams of my final semesters. I actually realized how hard it was for me to keep myself away from blogging. It's good to be back now, like coming back to a known world!

         
         On the last day of my college somebody stole away my mobile phone. Yeah, many of you would find it a normal incident, but for a girl who never lost even a penny or even oldest of the things since she was a kid, loosing a mobile phone worth Rs. 13,000 is still like a trauma. Anyways, the sadder part is, I saved a poem as a draft in that phone, which is also gone with it. Ouch! It hurts. But then, I consoled myself saying, "It's okay. I'll write another one with more efforts."


I remember few of its lines, few I rewrote.

I'm a time trapped in a clock

I'm a wave trapped in a sea

He's a flame, burning sharp and bright

I'm a smile trapped in a glee

I'm a wish locked in a prayer

I'm a God locked in a temple

He's a flight to be taken high in the skies

I'm a strength locked in a tree

I'm a destination trapped in a way

I'm a flower blooming in May

He's dew, fresh and pure

I'm the words trapped to say

I'm a shadow locked in the lights

I'm a memory locked in pain

He's is the heart beat, well mechanized

I'm a thought trapped in a brain.

-By Esabella

Journey

Hello...

Drop by drop they roll down

Moment by moment it fills the heart

Step by step he goes away

Everything in between is falling apart

Walk by walk the memories come

Each memory has a story

Story by story I sink again

With a sure hope of no glory

Round by round I spin the thread

Thread by thread the love grows

Suddenly the thread s broken

What have I lost, no one knows

Hope by hope I swim to the shore

Effort by effort I proceed

A chain in my legs stops me

However hard I try, I cannot succeed

Ray of hope seems to be away

But I'm determined to find my way

Wave by wave I get stronger

I feel my chains would break away.

-By Esabella