Mask

07 July 2014


Hello...

Have you met somebody who seems to be very tough and careless and having no emotions? And then have you ever given a thought about what circumstances and situations in life made him like that? Have you ever wondered if at one point of time, inside this tough emotionless person there could have resided a soft, caring and loving person? Who used to be so vulnerable and destructible that he almost died in the fight of surviving with his ruthless situations? 

May be then at one random moment he'd have decided to pretend to be careless and invincible! 
To turn numb for emotions. 
Won't you wish to be the same if you would have been that person? To find comfort by just not caring? 
Or by just not showing it? Or are you that person, a person with a mask- because It’s easier to live this way!


-Esabella

Humanity

 8 May 2014


Humanity! The greatest and the most precious gift given by God to us. A real human can never be bad to anyone forever. It feels pain, rage, love, lust, joy, sadness and all the worldly human emotions. And its okay to feel it that way, because we are crafted for it. These emotions are the ones which separate us from any inhuman species. Sometimes life rolls on a rough path, and even closest of the soul fall apart. But you don't have to hate them forever. U just need to let go- of them, of time! Everybody has got there fair and equal share of emotions, but we create an imbalance on our own. 

Humanity defines love, compassion, goodness, warmth, care, satisfaction. It’s divine. Like a piece of God always being with you. And when you forget your Humanity u loose your God. You loose your sire. Yes, you are born sired to being human, for good. It is okay to loose heart, but one should never loose hope, ever. 

In a lifetime u meet many people. Some become a part of your life, some make you a part of theirs. You always need both the pieces to complete the puzzle. But sometimes you loose the pieces. You still need to complete the picture. You can try to find the lost ones if possible but cannot let the time run out. So you find replacements, fix them in the puzzle and just win. And at the end it’s never about the picture. It’s about those pieces who helped you. The ones who were always there, the ones who were lost and left a void and the ones who came to lift you up.

It’s about a vision of that another human soul who sees the beauty of The picture in its darkest shade, the hard work, the loss and The happiness,and still finds it beautiful. It’s about that. 

Humanity... is life. Rest is just breathing. 

P.S. I wrote this piece of text after I watched the finale of The Vampire Diaries Season 4. I was all in tears in that entire episode and was overwhelmed with the emotions. So, I spilled them here.

-Esabella

On the other side of the shore

Hello...

Have you ever had that someone in your life with whom you shared a fantastic and loving relationship? But then something happened, the situations changed and circumstances dragged you apart. I'm not talking here only about your partner, but anybody- your best friend, your teacher, your neighbor.. anybody! But, even when you felt apart and chose different ways you still could not forget that person and the time spent with him? This poem is about that person in my life. I'd love to know your views about it... 

The ice has begun to melt 

The night is coming to an end
Sky is turning bright
I have started to walk again into the light.

I'm looking at the sea, now silent and calm
Remembering those days in the lines of my palm.

The tide has settled, it’s time to row

Shore is pushing me away, says "It’s time to go."

Those footsteps of yours beside mine are long gone.
Your memories are the one who are following me along.
The stars have faded into the darkness of night
Dawn is making its way by letting this dew subside.

That tree on which there was once a witch and her crow
Its leaves are coming back, making home for squirrels and sparrow.

That barge which you used to row.
That bicycle of mine you would toe.
Those colorful candies you always brought
That taste of your pastries.. I never forgot. 

Always you told me to keep up the hope

Because the night always dies.
But never did you tell me
That time too flies.

Not forever I could keep you I know
But I've some great stories for the world to show.
The clock is ticking and we've got separate ways to go
Even the journey is long. Though,

I believe we will meet at the end of the horizon
Again to hold hands, run and jump to touch the sky
And to share a relation which the situations won't deny.

-Esabella

Forever by my side!

As the night grows dark
Your memories settle by my side,
Like a companion they take hold
All set to go for a ride.

You listen to my all day stories
And laugh at my joke
This is the time I find myself back
When I'm tired of wearing a happy cloak.

You hold my hand 

And take me to the moon.
I insist u to stay longer,
And not to return any time soon.

Then we take a stroll under the sky

You show a world full of love.

I wish for more, I want you more

You smile at me like an angel above.

Your touch so soft
Like the time has stopped.
It's your breath I'm breathing,
To you forever, in my dreams I've locked.

The times we spent

Cradle me down the lane.
I look around the places and
In the every corner your memories remain.

You wipe my tears and hug me tight.

You look at me and say,
Soon the things will be alright.

And you'll always be here by my side

Everyday, every night.

Now you sing a lullaby 

And ask me to sleep.
Promising to return again
From my thoughts of yours, hooked so deep!

-Esabella

Stranger

On the path of life
When you are walking on a knife
A stranger comes across and gives you a smile

Like a companion, a friend
It gives you a new hope,
Breaking the sad old trend

When you need someone to bring you up
When you are low at your end
This stranger gives you a hand
And straightens your bend

When sun is blazing with heat
When you have wounds, you don't know to treat
A stranger brings the soothing rains
and washes your worries off ur feet.

When the people around you begin to fade
When they don't trust you
A stranger from nowhere pats your back
And resurrect all ur faith so new.

When the night is dark
And you are too sacred to walk
A stranger shows you the light
Flashing down the little star

Or when your way seems to be tough
And when the terrains are steep and rough 

A stranger waves the magic wand
Making it easy enough.

So, I decide to be that stranger for somebody in need
And to be of all the help I cud be.
So that when somebody would turn back and look around
He would certainly think... and think of me.

And forever will I shine in His blessings
Like a pearl a diver gets in the depth of the sea!

 

-Esabella 

Voice from the past

Memories ...
Like an unstoppable wave you come
To the most distant corner of the heart
Opening all the doors I closed
Breaking all the barriers apart.

Like a warm sunlight sometimes
In the chilly winter days
Sometimes you pierce through the heart
With a painful haze.

You make me shed tear
You bring the forgotten ones near
You take all my wounds away
And you only bring them back, making your way.

You create the most beautiful smile.
You make the moment special,
As a bride walks down d aisle. 

You are a soft touch of winter snow.
You are a piece of sunshine.
You are a devil at times if you know.
You are a gift, very divine.

You preserve the moments deep inside you
Some hard to forget, some too old to b true.

In the flight of a bird
In the strike of the World
In the air I breath
To the heights I reach
In the thoughts I preach
In the goals I achieve
You were, you are! 

Inside my head
Under my pillow
In the music I listen
What do I think, how do u know?

So as long as I go on
With all your goods and all your bad I'll carry u along.
Because this is the way you talk to me I believe
You were and you will be.
Until eternity..

And,
Like a shadow, like a friend
You and I will walk together till d end!

-Esabella

:) Happy New Year :)

 With the colors of joy
And the fragrance of hope
I step in this brand new year

With the hug of success
And the support of Almighty
I promise to move ahead without fear

With the sight of purity
And the touch of magic
I walk with all my dear

Like a golden thread spun
With the bundles of straw
I take the beautiful memories of the year
With an awe

Like the old skin

Left by a butterfly

I cut my all the flaw

Like a blazing sun

I'm all set to glow

Like a deepest ocean

I'm ready to flow

Like a prettiest flower

I'm about to bloom

Like the prettiest smile I'll spread

Leaving behind all the gloom

Even when the time will be slow

The best in me Is what I'm going to show

With all the love in my heart

I wish and I know

With each coming day

The boon of happiness will grow

So, in the cocoon of time

Fairy waves a magic wand

May everybody smile this year

And create an unbreakable bond.

-Esabella 

Wish you all a very Happy, healthy, successful and beautiful days of this new year. And *thank you very much* to all the people who helped me in making my blog successful and letting it complete its first anniversary on December 24! :)

Annie Boreson: An Inspiration

Hello...


Unlike always this post is not about my feelings or my opinions about anything. Yesterday I came across a blog and this post of mine is dedicated to that blogger- Annie Boreson.

Anne is fighting from cancer. I specifically say "fighting" and not "suffering". The reason behind this specification of word is her spirit of living - actually living a life and not just breathing and not crying or blaming God for the obstacles she's having in her life.

Everybody is having problems in life, some of us have small ones whereas some of us have a bit bigger ones. But how many us fight with the problems?? How many of us look around and notice the people who have greater pains and sufferings  and still they have a breath taking smile on there faces??? Very few.

The reason behind writing this post is simple. You got to love your life unconditionally. You need to find that will to live it every moment. When I asked Annie- "What inspires you???" She gave a wonderful answer.

"As far as inspiration goes, I find it in other people. I think we all find inspiration in each other. I may have a bad day...but then someone does something nice and it pulls me up. People and their kindness inspire me." She finds her inspiration by looking around herself and finding those people who are suffering more than her but still don't loose hope and spirit.

So, everyone of YOU reading this, get up! Pull up your socks. You have had enough of crying about your problems. Now it's time to kick them away, such that they would never return back. Respect your life. Live it. Help other people in living it. Inspire people- get inspired. All of us look at our wound and cry for it! Do something different. Make fun of it. Embarrass your pain such that it will disappear!!

Here is a poem which I completely dedicate to Anne and all the people who have that Wonderful spirit to live life and the guts to chase your dreams even when path is not smooth!

Like a kid restarts to make his sand castle
When cruel waves wash it away
Like an ant keeps on trying
After it has fallen from a tree time and again
Like a farmer starts to plough harder
When his farm is destroyed by the heavy rain
Like when a mother nurtures a baby alone
When its father walks away.

Like a bird continues to look for food
When its first flight goes in vain
Like a nurse remains awake all night
Just to see her sick patient healthy again

Like a tree keeps on growing
When its branches are chopped
Like when a bird lays again
When her first egg was dropped.

Like a soldier holds on to hope
When the others think that the battle is lost
Like a kid stumbles often, he still crawls
He finally learns to walk, he doesn't stop

Like "Annie" who inspires the world through her blogs
Though in pain, she manages to laugh
Like one of the best mothers in the world
On whom her children are proud of!

So enough of crying, and get done with sadness.
What are you making fuss of??

Look beyond yourself, everyone's life is bizarre
So why to look at the sky, be your own blazing sun, own shooting star
Because you can't just sit and caress your scar
Because life is a long journey, and you have to go very far! 

-to Annie Boreson

Annie is a blogger, a mother of three children and a newlywed. Not to forget she has won 5 blogger's award as well and above everything- An inspiration! She can be reached at http://www.annieboreson.com

Kiss

Looking at the snow,

Outside my window

I saw a boy coming out of the store.

With a little smile on his face

He headed to cross the road,

Called the kids and gave away the sweets.

Like he was waiting for this

And stood there to greet.

Under the heavy grey sky

The color of his face was glowing high.

Out of all the people escaping the snow

I saw him dancing, he wasn't shy.

He opened his arms wide and welcomed the rain,

Like it was an angel sent for him

To release all his pain.

In his deep blue eyes

I could see all his dreams coming to life

Like truth standing strong,

Among all the lies.

A lady passed by him

Pale and old.

He gave her his jacket

To protect from cold.

Snow was setting on his hair,

Which he did not condemn.

They were looking like pearls

Like the white gem.

I got up at ones- opened the door

And walked towards him.

The air was cold

And the sky was dim.

He was now leaning on a grill.

My heart was beating fast

About to leap and make a drill.

I went near him and stood beside

What drew us closer I couldn't decide

I was standing still, Almost forgot to breath

He turned to me and smiled with an ease.

Meeting his gaze I remembered

A fairy tale my mom would convince.

On one absolute snowy day you will meet your *Prince*

He touched my face and I melted like dew

We came closer and it was time to hug, I knew.

I felt the warmth of his breath on my neck.

I hid my head in his chest.

Now... This was what I realized, I missed

And that was the moment- We Kissed!! 

-Esabella

It's My Day!

Hello...

I read my friend's status on Facebook, "Happy engineer's Day". So, I guess today is my day. :) I completed with my degree of an Engineer 2 months ago and now I'm the first and the only Engineer girl of my family. (I do pat myself for this).


But anyways, my post is not to boast about myself. It's something I noticed about myself and what being an Engineer taught me apart from that academic knowledge. I found out that the course of engineering was not just of those 4 years, where I was taught to design the things, or calculate the numbers. This journey started a way long back. The day when I was born.

As an engineer mends the damage of a machine, makes a new one, finds different ways to present the things, invents new gadgets, earns money and finds the best solution to some technical problem, similarly my life gave me the training of such things in a special subject- LIFE!

It taught me to make friends, it taught me to make up for your mistakes and apologize. It trained me to get up once again after getting hurt. I taught me that it's okay to get upset or depressed. I am allowed to feel jealous if someone was happy and when I was not. But then it also gave me the lesson that to become a good 'Life Engineer' you need to feel the damage of others and try with the best of your abilities to help them.

I made friends blindly, I trusted easily, I failed, I was scolded too. But this helped me to value the good ones and to pick wisely the next time. In this journey of 21 years of Life Engineering, I grew up as a person and still managed to keep that child and its innocence alive. I'm still making mistakes, like you do in exams and I'm still learning new lessons. But once in a while I still try to bunk the lecture when I'm reluctant to learn something. But I know, someday I have to learn it. I have to go through every page before I pass my exams with flying colors and get the degree of "Best Life Engineer".


So, it doesn't matter if you are not actually dealing with some machines or technology. But you are dealing with a biggest machine of all- Life! And you are dealing with it well. Be proud of yourself and keep doing it. :)

*Happy Engineer's Day*

Share with me what did you learn from your life?? In what lessons did you fail?? If you have some experience to share, write it to me! I'd love to know it. :)

WHO IS A FRIEND??

Hello...

After a long gap, my new post is about one of the most common words of everybody's life - FRIEND. World's best dictionary might have defined this word as: 

"friend: a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, ...... " 

But have you ever given a thought about the second word in the definition, which is- "person" ? IS everybody's friend actually some "person" in particular? Does one has to be a human being to become somebody's friend? I say NO!

Sometime back I watched a movie, Cast Away where when stuck on an unknown island alone, a man befriends a football. And that football turns out to be its only source which keeps him alive for 7 years and helps him to get back to his family. 

So, I ask, is it necessary for a friend to talk back or to give opinion or correct you when you are wrong (as most of us would point out)??? Can't any random thing be your friend?? Irrespective of its being a living or non living??

Wasn't that doll in your childhood your friend whom you gave some name? Didn't you cry when somebody broke her neck?? Isn't that pillow your friend whom you hug and cry when you miss someone in a lonely situation?? Isn't our mobile phone a friend, who helps us to listen songs, play games, talk to your loved ones?? Wasn't your first bike your friend whom you flaunted in front of your girl and the world??? Or your watch for that matter, which reminds you to be on time! Are you spectacles not your buddy who help to let you see the world clearly?? Yes!! They all are. Your tears which makes your heart lighter, your words which are adored and loved by people and of course your heart, which assures you that against all the odds it will keep on beating and keep you alive to let you see the beautiful World!

A friend doesn't have to be talking or speaking to you. Somebody who walks with you through the journey of life, who silently remains with you, accompanies you is also a friend. Look around yourself. There might be numerous unnoticed friends of yours, whom you never considered important, but their absence would surely make a difference... Love those "Friends".. value them!

I choose to Live!

In the times of despair,

In the days of my sorrow.

When things don't go fair,

When there's no guarantee of a tomorrow.

I look inside my heart,

And I see a light.

Amidst the darkness that tears me apart,

I find Hope that burns bright.

Those words of hope, a stranger gave
The moon shining for me d whole night
Though the fears are not less yet
Something stands with me like an armor of my knight

You try hard to bring me down
I caress d wound whole night
Yes, I'm hurt deep inside
But dis pain has given me d strength to fight

I know d healing would be slow
But Who said love was easy though
I've decided to stand strong
Smile is d one I choose to show

A voice in me is now so loud
"You cannot give up!"
It always shout!
And dis is the voice I'm going to follow
In a hope that rains would clear the cloud

So I just don't want to cry
I will get up again and still try
To get the pearl from the depth of life
This is the path I cannot deny!

-Esabella

I broke up.

Hello...

".... and I finally broke up." It's unbelievable that I'm still alive. Atleast breathing. He walked away without answering any of my questions. Within a second, like everything changed. I wonder is it really over?? I guess it is.

Why is it so that when a relationship ends, the memories don't?? Why does that dieing relation kills the person in you? I'm almost choked to death since that moment when he gave up. I almost forgot to breath the other day. I'm just not able to make out where did that care, urgency, desperateness, love, that togetherness go?? 

I am going to love him somewhere in my heart till the end... I might not love anybody else the way I loved him... I'm going to miss that feeling of holding his hands and feeling his warmth when we hugged. You know, when we used to hug I could clearly listen to his heartbeats. It was as if they were whispering my name. I'm going to miss it. Really!! Scent of his body which I used to smell from nowhere in the crowd even when we were away.. the way he used to look at me... I'm going to miss his voice, his talks. I'm more than anything going to miss the girl in me who existed once with him. I was so deeply into him that I could find his face in the face of  every actor on television who portrayed love. Funny. Isn't it? or Love?

He would not come across this blog ever. Because he did not support my blogging or any other hobbies. In a way I'm glad he did not. He doesn't need to know how I feel anymore.... I'm not able to express completely any of my feelings. It's just that something in me died... That space in my chest, where a heart resides pains continuously... I look in the mirror and my own reflection reminds me of him, and of the times we shared... Their are few of my close friends whom I'm yet to tell about this... Talking to them will remind me of his complete existence in my world. The city, the food, the roads.., he will bug me everywhere. Nobody would care for me like he did. I would not call anybody by those names , I used to call him. Eh... I just wish he gives up smoking soon.. 

That is it I think! He left... He walked away... I wish him happiness in his life... I know he would wish the same for me. I love you Stupid....

A chapter so beautiful

A song so melodious

A breeze so gentle

A dew drop so pure

A smile so mesmerizing

A touch so overwhelming

A life so dazzling

And a story of two hearts

Came to an end.

One was broken, the other was lost.

- by Esabella to the one who was.... Everything!

Try till the last breath

Yes, they say I'm wrong

yes, they say, I'm going to fall apart

But, then why does it seems so right??

Like my life was never so bright.

They say, you are a mistake

But I'm ready to take

They say, you're going to hurt

I know you are not that fake.

Possibly I might at the end, die

But still I want to try

They say, you might disappear some day

I know I'm going to cry

You are like a beautiful poem of mine

Like a dazzling diamond in the glass of Wine

You are the favorite scratch on this heart

I don't care if you tear it apart

I know I'm being stubborn

But your presence is Heaven

I know I'm so in Love

And you fit so into me like a suede glove

Just because you are going to turn me down

I am not going to frown

I am going to take chance and going to give you many

Because this is the way I've known to Love.

And I'm going to try till the end with my every single penny.

So I'm going to try hard today

And try harder everyday

And even when I don't have anything to say

I'll hope that dark sky will someday turn grey.

So, for the prettiest color of sky

For the every flight I fly

For every tear now dry

My hopes will never die

And if it doesn't work, I'll never regret

Because I'll know you were hard to forget

But when I come to this World again

Then you will be the one, I'll abstain!!

Unforgettable

Heyy...

I know... I've disappointed the people who would have just started looking forward to my posts by almost disappearing without any notice. Whatever the situation it might be, a writer does not have the right to let its reader down. But being new at this, I admit I loose control over myself.

I am not going through some very good times right now and any ways this blog is not about my mellow dramatic story. This post is for the reason why I considered writing again. In past one month I quit coming to blogger, I did not even open my BC account. When opened it just now there were around 178 notifications. Holly crow!! The only reason for giving these things up was, they were simply irresistible not to read or answer back. But I was so tiered of things around me that though my mind was always ready to answer back, but my sadness held me back.

Until now, when the day is no different than past few, while checking the tweets and reading a blog about completion of 1st blog-anniversary, it reminded me of the title of my blog- "IMMORTAL WORD OF ME" This was the moment I felt angry on myself for refraining myself from writing. Because this was the place I promised to people and above all, to myself that whatever may come, I'll always be alive here, through my thoughts, poems, incidences, sketches. I realized that if there was just one place in the world where I can find myself back was This! A place where I can just be... Me. I surely cannot loose my identity. So, I finally decided to open my account and shoot my thoughts after a long long time. 

And when I'm back, I cannot go without thanking some of the very important blogging friends of mine for always being there, encouraging me and remembering me.

Rumpunchdrunk- for being one of first few followers and a constant source of inspiration to write, who makes me think upon the topics which I doubt that did they even exist before??
http://rumpunchdrunk.blogspot.in/

Dan Bonser- for always writing about the love between him and Lisa, and for always giving hope that true love is meant to be together against all odds. Bless you both.
http://abrainlessnod.blogspot.in/

Bill Williams- for always writing beautiful conclusions out of his spiritual reading and letting me know how important it is to believe in yourself and God. And ofcourse at the same time being unbelievably witty.
http://lvharvest.blogspot.in/
Robert Morschel- for being in touch through twitter, for letting me read his book when I couldn't afford it. It was really awesome and for being really witty through his blogs.
Mulledvine-fiction,thoughts,stories,reflections-of-grace

Opinionated Man- who writes tremendously beautiful lines, even when trying to offend his readers.Really a great job OM.
http://aopinionatedman.com

Patricia- for writing inspiring posts about life and featuring the beautiful writers as well.
http://patinspire.org/

NothingProfound- for saying the length of pages in just few words through his Aphorism. Few words to explain entire book. 
http://mydailyaphorism.blogspot.in/

Thank you very much for always being there. Journey and the restart would have been impossible without you.